his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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