I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize