what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
