i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
