my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize