yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize