I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
