Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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