He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
