I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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