Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
