I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
