It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
