it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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