Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
