I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
