The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
