i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
