Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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