we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We have started to decorate penises.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
