i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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