Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drake has all the answers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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