I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Buhtt sex?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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