and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
