What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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