he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
