hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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