I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
