I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
