I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
