Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
