I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He has the fingertips of a God
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