I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize