i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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