Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
