Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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