all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
