Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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