are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
