My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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