he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
