You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
