That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
