Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
