This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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