That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
