so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
