I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize