How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
