I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
