The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
