Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
