And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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