he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
