Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
