tell your sister to shave her snatch
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
