I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
