He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
