Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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