I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
