I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
