I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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