I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
