A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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