so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
