well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
