3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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