The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
