i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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