you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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