I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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